Why a Zombie Apocalypse Wouldn’t Be So Bad.

If you’re reading this then I’d like you to briefly take a minute to think about the situation you’re currently in. Are you happy? Tired? Hungry? If you’re any of the following, I’d like you to stop reading this and find a solution to that issue. Chances are, all it would take is a quick trip to the kitchen or to the closest bed for them to be resolved within minutes. As you probably are aware, these are aspects in our lives that we take for granted; not because we’re ungrateful brats who expect the whole world and more at our fingertips, but because that’s the life we’ve been given and the only world that we truly know of. Now unless certain politicians sit down with each other and have a nice chat instead of blowing one another up, things will be relatively normal in regards to the whole societal integrity thing – but what if this all changed? What if all of this were to be taken from us in a slow, steady, sobering blink of an eye, as we watched civilisation as we knew it crumble before us?

It has been imagined and re-imagined in hundreds of movies, games and books, it’s even got its own TV show about it – we’re obviously talking about the zombie apocalypse. From Romero’s classics, to that one really good Scooby Doo movie, Hollywood has done a fine job of portraying the grimmest aspects of a post-apocalyptic world, where towns and cities gradually succumb to the power of nature, and humans devolve into cold-blooded killers for the sake of a roof over their head. Personally, however, I feel that this is only one side of the very extensive detail that one could go delve into, and the rest is much less macabre than you’d think, because it’s nice to dwell on the positive sides of these sorts of things:

scooby-doo-pic
Still terrifies me to this day
  1. No more social class (or other ignorant discriminations)

To start off politically, once urban life has deteriorated and we’re all living in woodland, the very essence of what we know as ‘social class’ would, within mere months, be no more. Some people think that identifying groups as a particular class in western society is essential and a way of distinguishing/solving many problems that we face together. While those people would be right in the most part, I only see a huge flaw in its logic, but that’s for a different day.

Whatever your opinion on human classification in society is, you would need not worry about it once the day of the dead arrives (oh yeah, expect references throughout).In a world dominated by walking hunks of rotten meat, all pre-made judgements about others have gone the way of the dinosaur (or in our case, the way of the human) and if I’m going to be brutally honest, those who stick by their selfish pre-conjured thoughts of superiority are probably not wanted in your new paradise anyway, they’re best off as a zombie luncheon.  In Zombieland, we give as many shits about your new Mercedes as we do your new Adidas track suit – not many. All we want to know is whether you will survive by whatever means necessary – in Zombieland, there are two classes, Dead or Alive.

inequality
Nice hats, gentlemen, but can you work a pistol?’

2. Meeting Mother Nature

So you’re at your camp fire, drying your socks after a long day of spear fishing, the piercing smell of salmon and wet foot enters your nostrils and you flinch, you do so because its such an unusual smell, something that you’d never think to smell in your entire life (before everything kicked off, of course) and as you’re sat on your little tree stump in the fresh forest wind, you laugh to yourself, it’s only a hearty chuckle, but it’s one brought on by your very surroundings. Last year, your socks smelt of Jasmine and Tiger Lily, and they were dried on a washing line in the heat of an innocent summers breeze. Now they reek of ocean and foot sweat, all as they’re made into a state that can only be described as ‘slightly dampened’ by a fire that wouldn’t frighten a patch of dry grass. And in the moment of it all, you look up and see that same sun that once touched your fresh underwear with its drying rays, and you can’t help but smile.

This is how life is meant to be, this planet didn’t exist all those years ago infested with skyscrapers or motorways. All that existed were luscious mountains, majestic trees and endless miles of fresh seas, all of which are now completely at your mercy.Mother Nature, once threatened by the hyper evolution of a concrete-hungry species is now ready to spread her wings and allow her work to shine; all for your viewing pleasure. Just keep an eye out for zombies as well.

ws_Mother_Nature_1680x1050 (1)

3. Be your own boss

I have no doubts that once the apocalypse ensues and you’re left to fend for yourself on this suddenly eerie piece of rock, you’re going to wake up on some days knowing that you have a lot of things to do to ensure your survival. Whether it be finding fresh water, or replacing your broken baseball bat (blunt weapons mostly suggested for extensive use), there will be some things that you simply need to do to live, and though these may seem taxing, just remember that you were doing the exact same thing circa.2016 BC (Before Crisis). Obviously, the situation wasn’t as dire back then, but times were still tough and rentfreedom needed to be paid. Your shit stain excuse of a manager is either dead or doing things for themselves (both of which are equally comforting thoughts), and you never have to involve yourself with them ever again. No more boot licking, no more menial, inconvenient tasks for them; just you and your own back to watch. Liberty.

 

4. Innocent until charged: the most morbid of curiosities

I’m about to present what is commonly known as a ‘double-edged sword’, meaning that while it does have its benefits, it also presents issues and problems in a similarly equal measure:

They say that the criminal justice system is flawed in many countries like America and Britain. Criminals are being put away for simple, non-deserving crimes, and eye-witness testimony is as unreliable as it always has been. What takes the most heat, however, is something that is practically unseen in modern, western societies like Europe, and that is the death penalty. With the United States of America being one of (even not the only) supporter of capital punishment in the west, it has taken massive criticism from people of all beliefs and cultures. ‘For who are we to take the life of another?’ ‘An eye for an eye only makes the world blind!’ noose

Yes, it does seem hypocritical and counter intuitive to endorse the murder of murderers for the simple fact that they committed a murder, but I wager that when most of us hear that these people are having their lives cut short by a lethal injection of adrenaline or an overwhelming surge of electricity, we  can’t help but feel somewhat comforted. These people have committed heinous acts, destroyed lives, they are only deserving of their fate brought about by the law. But, and I say this cautiously as to avoid discomfort, execution isn’t what it was back in the day; when men and women of all ages would gather to watch the last breaths of an adulterer being choked from his windpipe by a cruel, knotted rope, or to witness the final twitches of a decapitated body as their head lies in a basket before them – we literally took time out of our days to watch this happen back then.

Yes our ancestors were animals, their curiosity for blood was insatiable, which was only fuelled by the ruthless politicians and monarchs who instructed these acts to go ahead in the first place. Fortunately (or unfortunately) we’re a more civilized people nowadays, our thirst for the macabre is now quenched by the daring visions of directors like James Wan and James Wong, who, respectively, have brought us hit movie series’ like Saw & Final Destination, which dive deep into the ways in which the human body can mutilated – and we lap it up like starved hounds, while remaining as humane as we ever were. If something were to happen to us, a mugging, a burglary, our first instinct isn’t to lynch the perpetrator onto the nearest tree and watch as their face turns blue. We call the police and allow our established justice system deal with them accordingly – we are completely dependent on people with a badge and a stun gun, and try bringing that to a zombie fight!

With the pretext over, the initial point I wanted to make is that once anarchy strikes, and everyone succumbs to the zombie lifestyle, all laws made and written by Founding Fathers and the rest of them become completely void. There is no one on the planet who will take action against you for killing another human being….and that’s interesting isn’t it? That freedom? The escape from the god-given laws of man who dictate that ‘thou shall not kill’. In fact, many situations in an apocalypse would require such course of action – survival comes first, remember? For me, the thought of taking another’s life will remain but a morbid thought in the depths of my mind, but for those unfortunate enough to survive an apocalypse, you might as well give it a go, because why not?

And now I present the second edge of the sword, and I’ll make it short and simple. You aren’t the only one alive out there. You aren’t the only one who is willing toBackStab survive by any means necessary. Don’t doubt that there is someone out there who will rid you in a heartbeat for nothing and receive the same in the eyes of the law – the law is dead, be wary.

To conclude, I have a small list of things that will seem so insignificant compared to the previous points, but I believe that the little things matter in any situation. Thank you for reading, and have a happy apocalypse!

  • Celebrities would become completely irrelevant, only war heroes would become the stuff of legend.
  • Animals like pigs, cows and sheep, whilst still being a good option for food, would not be mass-produced by a colossal consumerist, meat-eating industry, and they could be much more free as they were.
  • Scouts & Guides would actually be the most popular in any group of survivors – because if you’ve not got a badge in fire starting, there’s no point in even trying.
  • Adam Sandler movies would be no longer, and their legacy hopefully would disappear into the cracks of time where they belong.

Matt.x

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10 thoughts on “Why a Zombie Apocalypse Wouldn’t Be So Bad.

  1. Hi Mathew,
    You are a really funny writer. I love zombie movies, or characters like zombies– Stepford Wives, Stepford Kids, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, I am Legend, The Last Man on Earth.
    You visited my site today, and I wanted to thank you and introduce myself. I am glad you liked my guest author’s post about increasing social media followers.
    Janice

    Like

  2. Me too, I’ve enjoyed the prospect of an apocalypse as a child and looking at it from a (slightly) more mature side nowadays, it’s fun to think of it such a different manner. Thanks for checking my stuff out 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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