Heart Attack

So this is an excerpt of a story that I’ve actually just finished the first draft of. It’s called ‘Heavy Blood’, and this scene (which is the prologue) basically portrays a man suffering the late stages of a poison called Blood Moon. I’d explain what it does, but I think I do a pretty good job of describing it, and honestly I’m not proud about how proud I am of this, and if you like it and want to read more into it, it is a 4000 word story and is currently in first draft stages. However, I would absolutely love to share it with a wider audience and see what others think of it, because I’ve worked tirelessly on this, and I love it to pieces. Anyway, lets get into it.


Moonlight seared into the room as the silk curtains were ripped from their place and dejectedly wilted to the hair-coated floorboards below. He shut his eyes, but even this brought a new torrent of dull pain that ached inside his head. He opened them but he was blinded, clouded by a haze of livid red. His scalp singed as he tore at the remaining patches of hair that were yet to carpet the rest of the wooden floor. A pitiful squeal left his ruptured voice box and pierced the oppressive air nearby. His heart convulsed; creating seismic tremors in his chest as boiling blood cascaded through battered veins and frail arteries. The hot crimson spilled from the man’s neck as a half-healed scar succumbed to the constant ambush from within.

His ribs splintered as he collapsed onto an overturned bookshelf with a trembling hand clamped tightly around his neck. Streams of blood and sweat washed through his fingers, painting the hand a glistening scarlet. A ghastly feeling of nausea slowly churned into a welcome fade of exhaustion, until a deep burst thundered in his chest.

Everything stopped. The room rolled backwards into darkness.

Silence.

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Heart Attack

  1. Would ‘shattered’ be a better word? All that happens there is that he collapses onto this wooden bookshelf and lands directly on his chest/ribcage.
    I just wanted to make things a little worse for the guy really 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pretty good, but the only thing that didn’t make sense to me was the splintered ribs. I don’t know why that stands out when I can easily accept all the rest of it, but… lol. You definitely have a way with descriptions.

    Like

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